But it's important to know that you are not alone. Even when you feel like you're on the fringe, or outcast, or just beginning to try to fit in somewhere, or even happy walking to the beat of your own drum...
There is always somebody out there to connect with who has either been where you are headed, or been where you are now, or sometimes they are in a place where you've been before.
It can be validating to connect with these sorts of people, it is good to learn and to teach. and to learn by teaching. and just to simply share.
I think that's why some of us come to these talks, just to share with each other and learn from each other, and to shed light on our insights and experiences.
But, for someone who is shy, or uncertain, or maybe having self-confidence that isn't at it's peak... this can be a real challenge. It makes folks feel like they are not participating enough, or they are maybe a leech or a burden on the group because they just listen. It's not true!
It's just as important to lend a listening ear as it is to find your voice.
I'll ask you now to think of a time in your past when you were in need of advice. Hindsight is clearer than being in the moment, sometimes.
Think about how your attitude was about that time:
Were you eager to listen to the advice of others?
Were you seeking it out?
Or were you confident that you knew exactly what to do but wanted someone to give you permission?
Or maybe you didn't ask for help, because it seemed like a silly thing to ask about?
Let's normalize this.... humanize it.... because I'm pretty sure we've all needed some words of wisdom or kind words now and then.
What was going on for you that makes reaching out make sense?
Focus on what was going on in that time...
What advice would you give your past self?
And what advice would you give to a friend experiencing a similar situation now?
What are the words that your past self needed to hear?
Remember, we are all sacred mirrors for each other, look into your heart and listen to your intuition. What do you think is the wisdom that other folks in your life could learn from you, from that moment on your path?
But reaching out is not all about finding help, it's not all about finding a hero, it's not always about needs or wants at all. You don't need to be part of the victim-villain-hero triangle to be reaching out or reaching back. Let's be honest, sometimes we reach out simply because it feels good to connect.
What are some of the ways you like to connect with other people? Go ahead and brainstorm all the ways we can think of that feel good when someone reaches back! There are lots.
What are the fears or barriers we have around reaching out?
What are the fears or barriers we have around reaching back when someone reaches out to us?
So, all things considered, now let's share the reasons we think it's a good thing when others reach out to us first.
And, what are some of the signs that somebody is reaching out? How would you know if I was reaching out to you about something? How would you figure it out if I wasn't opening an IM or a text and saying hello? If I didn't call or knock on your door? What are some of the subtle cues we give each other in everyday life?
Are these enough "excuses" to reach back? Do we have permission now, to initiate a deeper conversation with someone in this room? To send a friend request to the person across from you at the party? To pick up your phone and text that person who dropped their number on you?
If not, why not?
We all need connection in our lives, for our spiritual health, and when those connections are new, they are a thrill - both scary and exciting - but when they mature, they can be just as challenging in different ways...
Let's talk about reaching out when there is no one new. How do we maintain connections? How do we reach out, or find reasons to reach back, when we have a big long list of acquaintances and aren't really particularly fond of any of them, but they're okay to keep on that dusty shelf of friends list material... How do we make deeper connections when that awkward friend zone is reached?
How do we break through to people who resist because of fear, anxiety or bad experiences with others? Should we even bother them?
And finally,
How do we reach out when there has been something amiss in the relationship? Who is supposed to reach out first? Is it ever okay to reach out again after taking space? What do you do if someone is constantly reaching out and you need more time?
Remember this,
Some people need you to reach out first. Some people are in a dark place, finding solace... They might ignore it. They might turn away or walk away. They might act out. They might even tell you off. But if you care about this person, and they are not toxic to you, just keep reaching out from time to time. There's no harm in saying hello, even if that's all you say. Eventually they will come around. And they will know that you never gave up on them. And they will appreciate it. They might not tell you. But it will mean a lot to them.
I want to end this on a high note, so let's share about times when a connection fed your spirit; when it meant the world to you that someone connected. What was one really amazing time somebody reached out to you? How did that feel? What was it like? What made it a spiritual experience?
Let's have this conversation!
Thanks
♥ Jacki