Anger management is often represented as something that can be breathed through or let go of, surrendered to, radically accepted, or otherwise doormat-ify and complacency-ize oneself with. I make these sound a little more absurd than necessary for a good reason... There is no such thing other than repression.
Humour is a good defense mechanism, but to laugh off an anger issue is to comparmentalize it psychologically into a place of non-activity. Active inaction (wu-wei) is something totally else, which would put you into a place of intentionally not addressing the thing straight away, probably to observe and learn from it better first. However, sloughing off your anger into a channel of permanent "not now"-ing is how not to deal with it at all and allow it to fester and escalate outside of your control.
Having an internal locus of control is my best attempt at dealing with anger personally, which means creating my own action points for how to deal with a particular situation. My bite is worse than my bark in this regard. I like to take decisive action when there is one to take. I hate asking for help and rarely do so until I am certain of exactly which help I need, and how much of it I am willing to accept. People have to know that if I am angry, it is not their job to calm, soothe, or wish away my intense emotions.
I manage by coping a lot of the time, which equips me with the motivation of anger and the fire under my sitting bones, so to speak, to do something that makes a difference for not just myself but sometimes also others, on a good day. It is about holding the anger in a way that it becomes a tool not a weapon, or an instrument at least, or a being of it's own to be negotiated with. I can even construct a thought form around particular angers, such as the anger at myself for behaviours related to low self control in the kitchen, or anger at myself for words I don't like to use that slip out. A thought form on the astral realm can then voice it's arguments with me, and I can banter with myself, either in the inner voice, or in the outer voice, in order to alchemize my anger into something that, much like magic which expands a cone of power container, will dissipate instead of being directed.
At that point, it can become comical to observe and analyze what has happened once that conversation is allowed. Otherwise, it becomes more frustrating and I am increasing my own restlessness to create change. Historically, while frustrated, lacking motivation, restless, and needing change that I am unprepared to manifest, I dye my hair and move my furniture around. But these days, I get temper tantrums like storms that come by in waves of wind power, from the Eastern Doorway. leading me through the correspondence charts of speech patterns, writing habits, messenger gods who bring my nonsense and elevated negativity outward, rising lights on the issues I have, exposing them, a movement toward stepping into the problems instead of dodging them, and other expressions of sublimation including poetry that is outside of normal formatting, conversations with others that become scathingly gossipy or mundane, ranty, or just plain avoidant of any deeper exploration and recognition of the healing work, and so on. It is not a good scene, for a person who loves action points. But that is a power of the South to me. A will power rather than a knowing and identifying power.
So, as for non-fluffy action points for dealing with anger. Property damage in the way of renovations is one. Meaningless damage is bad, and won't help anything, but restoring something beyond how one found it sometimes takes a bit of demolition to get to the root of why it needs an upgrade in the first place. Destroying cursed objects is another way, which might sound odd, but sometimes the magic of others is well hidden and concealed from view until further inspection. When you are not the owner of these items or environments, it becomes a problem greater than is wise to handle alone. That itself causes stress, and can be alleviated by vocalizing the issues. Sometimes to proper allies, other times to the spirits themselves that send the affect, or emotionally charged condition.
Non-attachment to the results of your actions is also a key to helping anger - sometimes a vent is an explosive or eruptive situation in which the passion behind the desire for change culminates in an outburst of rage or violence that is not totally controlled or controllable, and yet, at one point it was, or should have been easier to manage because of training in self-restraint, or so on, but something has been triggering beyond those lines in the sand or habits that were formed from other conditions and scenarios. Non-attachment to the results of an outburst means that if you don't think "this will fix it" to yourself, you might get a result that will be better than one where an assumption leads to greater disappointment. Doing some violent or angry action with intention to stop a behaviour someone else has exhibited, or other disconnected events and circumstances that cause more anger, by way of any type of magic that is manipulative, aggressive, abusive and toxic can be less effective than the sympathetic magic that I have experience of, with emotional restraint, actually working in the world, whether that is by fluke or synchronicity, or the help of unseen hands unknown to the practitioner.
As someone in an empathy intention year, and having to call upon compassion once in a while to experience any joy at all, it is a challenge for me to deal with the cries of suffering around me that come through as irritations, sadnesses, annoyances, depressions, and aggressive or passive-aggressive intrusions on the baseline I used to have as a slight thriving. I am enjoying the moments of stillness that come when there are no needs being expressed through tumultuous and divisive behaviour in my inner temple. I am trying to avoid any creativity as sublimation of these, so that I can actively process the work of healing or transmuting. To just take the energy of emotion and channel it directly into drawings, poems, or art of any other kind, is to stop myself from having the experience, from learning at all, and from gleaning any wisdom out of the practice of acknowledging what is happening there. It can also be a way to avoid the human condition.
So, to cope with anger, now, my action points are generally,
1. Talk it out with a character-self
2. Get physical with exercise of some kind, even if it is destructive to something that could use some damage or is built for the purpose.
3. Sit with it and let it cook a bit before putting it into something that others can relate to, even if it is cryptic and obscurely presented.
What are yours, and how do you use them in spiritual practice? Do you show up to your guides in meditation with fists flying? Do you astral travel to a room of doors to knock down with a weapon? Do you slay dragons or other mythical beasts and monsters like thought forms? Do you dominate your archetypal nemeses in other ways to create change on the inner sanctuary layer of your being? How else might you do practical actions in the world here?
I'd love to hear from you about this.
♥ Jacki