How often do you see grown men climbing trees in a park? How often do you see old women dancing in the street? It might sound silly, but play is essential to spiritual health.
We need to unlearn this tameness and embrace ourselves as free, passionate people.
It's part of the work we can do on Underworld Journeys, calling forth our inner children, our shadows, and our lost pieces of soul.
I'll be honest, if I don't get out into the forest to go camping or do outdoor ritual or attend a festival at least once a year, I suffer for it. If I don't get to listen to the critters in the hush of the night, if I don't get to lay in the grass, if I don't get to name the shapes in the clouds, if I don't get to feel the sun warming my bare body, if I don't get to howl at the full moon, if I don't get to eat something that I have picked from the earth, fresh, if I don't get to smell someone's natural body odours when I hug them tight and then gush that their scent is intoxicating, if I don't get to dance in the rain.... without these things, my soul becomes crushed. Too much moderation and I am lost. But it's more than that. There are layers of systems and structures set up against wildness.
1. So ask yourself first of all, what do you do to express your wildness? What raw, primal ways do you feed your spirit? What are you passionate about? What excites you? The things that you are attracted to are yours, not because you own them, but because you are for each other, you are part of them, too.
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Here are some key points that I want to clear up, and questions about what they mean with regards to wildish or primal nature.
Shame / guilt
When we are taught that we are bad for certain behaviours or thoughts, we are also taught to internalize shame and guilt for thinking, feeling and behaving in ways that are not allowed. I was shamed for daydreaming as a child, I learned to sit with guilt and shame instead of being allowed to embrace my wild thought tangents, because others wanted to dim my shine and drag me down. Their insecurities are not ours, and we don't have to play that game of fear-based thinking. We can inspire each other instead.
2. Ask yourself, how can you overcome the shame and guilt you are taught to hold? How can you embrace your natural urges and impulses in healthy ways?
Disapproval / being offended
At the same time we are supposed to feel our own guilt and shame for things, we are supposed to add the burden of other people's disapproval when they are offended. We are supposed to carry the weight of other people's feelings. This control scenario only serves to suppress the impulses we have toward doing things that are not approved by the people around us. They, in turn, were probably taught these thoughts and behaviours are wrong as well, by people who were taught in their turn too. They are not necessarily wrong. Just because a person wants you to soothe them when they have a reaction to something does not mean you have to do it. They are not entitled to change you for their own comfort. Nothing bad happens when you are offended. A comedian Steve Hughes once said "You don't get leprosy from being offended", and so, that is for the disapproving person to own. It's not yours. It freaks some people out that I don't shave my armpits most of the time. Whatever, I have a hippie streak. It's not a requirement of being a human being. If they are grossed out by that, then I assume they are not comfortable with themselves, their own natural human bodies, and that is the issue, not my hair. We should not have to apologize to others for being our true selves. We should be celebrated!
3. Ask yourself, how can you learn not to wear other people's issues? How do you acknowledge your part but not to take ownership of these issues?
Restlessness.
I want to add a little bit about the urges I get to change things. To cut my hair or dye it. To move my furniture around and redecorate. To go for a long walk. When the winds blow, I want to make a move. They bring me a consciousness of my orientation to place and time. I get the urge to dance. I get the urge to have marathon sex. I get the urge to make up yoga asanas and have a deep stretch. I need to use my body for physical things that are not sitting, eating, and commuting. I think we all feel this, and males possibly even more so because many of them carry such tension if they don't get to release aggression and energy and excitement and do physical labour. They are built for climbing, running, and other visceral things too. Without these wild moments in our days, we end up feeling that something in our soul is absent.
4. Ask yourself, how can you retrieve those lost parts of yourself that come out as strange cravings and impulses?
Proper / ladylike / gentlemanly
Etiquette and manners are important to good relationships, but why do we have to follow customs that only serve to pay lip service to each other? Why not speak from the heart and passionately embrace the moments of gratitude and humility that we experience? What is so wrong about telling someone you love them? There are so many imagined extremes that we tell the world are inappropriate to us, only because they involve emotion. Will I look too clingy or needy? Should I wait three days before calling? If I don't sit with my knees crossed, what will people think about my sexuality? If I speak out of turn, will I seem abrasive? I have few filters with what I say. I express myself boldly. I gush. I sit like a man. Sometimes I go topless. I have a loud laugh. I have opinions and I share them. This is all part of being free and wild. It doesn't hurt anyone.
5. Ask yourself, how can you balance being respectful of others while still respecting your own self-expression and personal ways?
Tame / civilized / domesticated
A lot of us are indoctrinated into the education system as children. We learn that there is a time to sit down, shut up, and focus. There is a time to listen and when it is time to speak, to raise your hand and wait your turn. You line up. You do as you are told. You keep your hands to yourself. You keep your voice down. You wear indoor shoes, and maybe a uniform. We don't belong in that mode. Everything about it has to be drilled into us because it is foreign, it's not in our nature. It makes us good workers, good consumers and good law-abiding citizens. I'm a big fan of laws that keep us safer and healthier, but I really don't think the school system is helping us stay safe or mentally healthy by teaching us how to be complacent, pliant, and unquestioning. We are not a well-oiled machine, we are an organic culture, a family of beings who are meant to flourish in myriad ways. I used to read books to escape. Now I dance and drum. I don't keep a spotless kitchen. I don't make my bed every morning. I don't iron my clothes. I don't even brush my hair every day. I'm just not buying into the whole idea of staying busy, distracted, and striving for an ideal of perfection that doesn't exist. Don't be strict with yourself on issues that don't matter to you, I honestly believe that it will make room for energy to put into those things that do mean a lot. And we can support each other and lift each other up when we see someone breaking their social chains.
6. Ask yourself, how can you be supportive of your, or other people's disorderly moments, uniqueness and quirks? How can we lift each other up while overcoming the mindset of struggling to please everyone?
Socialization / acculturation
As we grow, we join a culture. Here in the West, it's a bit of a monoculture peppered by subcultures. Some call it the Overculture because there is a lot going on under the surface that isn't acknowledged, accepted, respected or empowered... It's as if we have to fit in somewhere, we have to find our niche, our little box shaped compartment to squeeze all our wild ways into, in order to make it in the world. We can't be wild if we want a good paying job, we can't be wild if we want to stay safe in a big city. We can't be wild if we want to raise a family. We can't be wild if we want to get accepted to a prestigious university and learn something of value. etc. etc. These are the lies we tell ourselves and each other. As if we all need to role model the cookie-cutter personality we see on movies and TV ubiquitously. I tend to do the opposite. I've learned my culture like the back of my hand, and from that launch point, I can break as many of the rules as I want, so long as I don't hurt anyone. I have a free, self-granted license to wear costumes as clothes, to dance like nobody is watching in a crowded bar, to let my chubby belly stick out of my top occasionally, to wear facial piercings long after the trend has settled down, to drum loudly in the park alone, to go to a festival for a week and play in the mud, to write and recite poems about love and lust and spirituality and counterculture, to tell people about my breakdown experiences and how crazy that was, to do all kinds of things that are for myself, letting my wildness breathe. Exposing my flaws, weaknesses and uniqueness is liberating.
7. Ask yourself, how can you find your tribe, your kindred spirits, your twin flames, in a world of pretenses?
Conformity / Obedience
Not to beat a dead horse here, but there is still more standing in the way of our wildness and natural primal essence. There is an idea that some things are "normal" and others are not. It's another lie, but it's something we all have an idea of in our minds, based on the expectations we have of other people and our own experiences. When we do what is expected of us, we dishonour our own instincts and intuitions and our own needs and desires. I don't mean it's the best idea to go around and do the opposite of what you think you're supposed to be doing. But it's okay to break out of that whole concept of right and wrong, correct and incorrect when it comes to feelings, thoughts and behaviours that are meaningful to you, because often, the rules we live by are made up arbitrarily. It's only the really big ones we need to worry about, (violence for example) not what colour tie to wear to the birthday party, or which car is the trendy one to lease. When we get into a materialistic, consumer mindset, we lose sight of ourselves and we are really just filling the void it creates with stuff. SO not only are we creating a void by conforming, then we are stuffing it full of things we don't need so that there isn't room or time or money for the things our souls are calling out for. I don't mean it's bad to decorate your room in sensual purple drapes and satin throw pillows and faux fur throw rugs and stuff. If that sets the scene for you to have deeper, more meaningful connections, perfect. But remember why you are doing it. Don't just do it because your Spartan apartment looks terrible compared to the neighbors'. It's better to collaborate than to compete, and in collaboration, we learn from each other, it leads to innovation and growth.
8. Ask yourself, what are some of the ways we can support unique individuals and see them flourish, or ask for this support ourselves? How can we create safer space for free expression?
Fear / Danger
We are taught to bubble wrap ourselves and everything around us, taught to avoid and to annihilate any kind of risk or threat to our well-being. It's ironic, because only by exposure can we cultivate an immune system, only through scraping knees and elbows do we learn skills like bike riding. We are taught not to talk to strangers, so how do we ever make new friends? We are afraid of rejection so we don't even try sometimes. We are taught that outside of our known territory, "There Be Dragons". We are taught that there is a time and a place for everything, and to wait for the right moment. How can we move forward into the unknown if we have to wait until there is no risk involved? We live in a culture of fear that holds us back. Yes, there are concerns in life. Yes, we can get hurt. But it happens anyway, even if you play it safe. And then it wounds you deeper because you had put trust in the illusion of safety. So really, I like to say, keep an adventurous attitude. Know that danger lurks and that only by facing it can you overcome it. Otherwise it will back you into a corner. Personally, I have moments of intense self-protective anxiety sometimes. This overwhelming fear and worry makes me put big shells and shields on and I oscillate between fight, flight and freeze. It's hard to know what the appropriate response is to a threat when you are confused by your own reactions to it. I think this is because I often repress the urge to put people in their place before things escalate. I can be too kind, too forgiving, and too understanding for my own good, until it's too late. So, part of embracing my wildness, is being able to raise my voice when something is not okay. Giving myself permission to throw a temper tantrum long before the moment where my back is against the wall. And to resolve issues with a zero tolerance policy once in a while, when it is warranted. Because it's okay to be a strong person. It's okay to stand tall and insist that trespasses against you cease immediately. And you know what? When people recognize that you have a backbone, they won't walk all over you by default. Anger can be a tool or a weapon. Choose to make it your tool, use it for good, and embrace that wild fire within you.
9. Ask yourself, how can you vent your wild emotions in a healthy and empowering way that doesn't cause harm?
Wild / Primal
OK finally, I want to dive deeper into this wild nature and primal essence. If it isn't being expressed or fulfilled by society, then it's up to us to do it ourselves. I'm not talking about anarchy here. But how do we find ways to let loose and let go of our conditioning, that won't get us into trouble, say financially or with the law? I suggest, express yourself authentically. Don't go flashing people in a trench coat to experience the joy of being naked with other human beings. Instead, skinny dip with your friends on a private beach. Be reasonable about your needs and desires. What is it that you really need and want? Find a way to connect with the people or places that make this acceptable. Talk about these issues with people who will get it, inspire each other, love, collaborate, and indulge. Be vulnerable in your truth. Have fun. Be Creative. Come home to yourself.
I looked up some articles to help me find the words for what I want to explain, and in searching for the two experts I've read books by in the past (SARK and Dr. C. P. Estes), I stumbled on related writings, which acted as cues for the thoughts I've been calling up. I've provided some links for you.
BOOKS
Succulent Wild Woman by SARK
http://planetsark.com/buy-stuff/sark-books/succulent-wild-woman/
Women Who Run With the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
https://www.amazon.ca/Women-Who-Run-Wolves-Archetype/dp/0345409876/
ARTICLES
https://sensitiveevolution.com/embrace-wildish-nature/
Embrace Your Wildish Nature | By Maria Hill | August 22, 2017
https://www.care2.com/greenliving/are-you-a-powerful-ass-woman-happy-international-womens-day.html
Are You A Succulent Wild Woman? | Lissa Rankin | March 8, 2011
https://nikkakarli.com/wildress/
Alchemical Untaming for Erotic Souls | Nikka Karli
Embrace your raw, primal, wild side boldly!
♥ Jacki