We get attached to things like desires, grief, answers, the familiar, relationships and material possessions as well as much more.
Let's talk a bit about these and other things we feel attached to. In what ways does our clinging show up in our lives? How have we learned to let go?
Desires - a blend of want and need, these might include hopes and dreams, or events, circumstances, people or things that we are powerfully attracted to. When we cling to desires, we aren't coming from a place of abundance, but rather a place of want, need and lack. It becomes more challenging to manifest our desires from this place of attachment. I've been told often enough that the partner I desire will come to me only when I stop looking for that person. And often enough, when it's least expected, someone new does walk into my life.
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Have you had any desires that got in the way of themselves? Were you able to let go of the desire to allow it room to grow? How else have you experienced attachment to desires or letting go of them?
Grief and other emotions - while it is good to feel emotion and to go through the stages of change, sometimes we get caught in the dramas and traumas associated with our raw emotions. This comes out as behaviours that might not honour ourselves or others. When we allow ourselves to feel our way through emotions without allowing the thoughts, sensations and behaviours to get muddled up together with what we feel, we don't carve our pathways as deeply in our minds, and like a positive feedback loop, it frees us up for other experiences. I think of it like progressive muscle relaxation, you have to feel the intensity of the emotion first before you can release it; if you try to escape it, it will chase you. That's why I cry when I get too upset. after a good cry, I can move on.
*Have you had any emotions that stuck because of your returning thoughts about an event or person? What was it like when you ran from it, or released it? How else have you experienced attachments to grief or other emotions?
Answers - as seekers on paths, we often have big questions that we want answers for. Sometimes we strike gold and think we know the truth. Hopefully we can achieve a gem or two of truth in our lives, but in all likelihood, everything changes, and truth is a challenge to grasp, like a puff of hot breath on a cold winter day. Staying open to changing circumstances and new information can help us to find it less abrasive when the truth becomes clearer. I know, I personally have some stubborn, stick in the mud beliefs about what the universe is like. But instead of being moral about it, and living life as though that is the capital T Truth and the things that follow are law... I live ethically, taking into consideration all the different intersecting layers of what's going on, and make the best decision I can about how to move forward given what I know at that time. Just because I handled a situation one way before doesn't mean I do it again, my behaviours are not all that I am.
*Have you ever struggled to take new information into your worldview when someone made you aware that you were mistaken about something? How else have you experienced attachments to answers found on your path?
The Familiar - change is hard for some people to deal with. There is comfort in the familiar, and it's easy to get used to things a certain way. Attachment to the way things are in one moment means that the next moment, it's hard to go with the flow. It's hard to be resilient and bounce back from whatever happens. Yes, it's good to have some sort of basis for grounding and centering, like a home to go to, or favourite foods or books or whatever around you. All I'm saying is that if you get too attached to the familiar, you aren't fully open to the good possibilities that are out there for you either. I know when it's time for change. I get restless, and need to try a new food option, rearrange my furniture or do something different with my hair. And when that doesn't work to settle me down, I go out and change what I can related to the thing that isn't sitting right with me. I could skip the first three things, but somehow they give me the successes I know I can accomplish in order to boost me up for the change in my world or my attitude to the world that is needed most.
*Have you ever found change abrasive, and how do you adjust? How else have you experienced attachment to the familiar?
Relationships - we all love the attachments we have to our best friends and beloved family members. Sometimes, though, these are attachments to the person as we idealize them in our mind, and not the actual human being. When they start to grow and make moves in their path, it's hard for us to adjust because we know they might be growing away from us, and if we want to keep up, we think we have to chase them or even compete with their accomplishments to stay at their level. When we are happy where we are, or don't have any goals, this can be scary. We might even try to hold them back as we cling to the idea of them that we have constructed. Then there are toxic relationships that we attach to, trying to be loyal and helpful to people who are abusive or just don't care about us the way we care for them. It's hard to let go when you know someone could be doing better, and you see that potential, but they just aren't in a place to change. My attachments usually happen around lovers, I put myself out there to be loved, and I only get what I get regardless of the lip service I've been given. I hope the relationship will grow into something beautiful and meaningful and be deep and connected.... but it just is what it is. I have a hard time being the one to break up with someone else. I get attached to people because they accept my love and devotion, and I hope to some day see it back. However, I've come to learn to take people at face value, appreciate what's really in front of me, and be ready to let go and move on when it no longer serves me. Sure there are tough emotions in that, but they are easier to cope with when I haven't been lying to myself as well.
*Have you ever been totally heartbroken when you realize the person you love is not the person you thought they were, or they changed but not the way you had hoped? How else have you experienced attachment to relationships?
Material Possessions - our stuff and the spaces we dwell in are an extension of our bodies. I really believe that. It's to the point that we don't point and say "that book about..." we say "my book about..." even if we didn't write it. We protect our stuff with locks on doors and hiding places for valuables and sometimes it's to the point that we never use some of what we have, or else, we use it but won't share it with others. And that's okay, to a point. It's alright to have your own things and to care about them. What's not okay is the culture of fear we have built up against each other about our property. Everyone is suspect as a thief or vandal, it seems. It's really unfortunate. I feel like, I have too much stuff. I'm not very materialistic, I don't have the newest TV or console or games or movies. I have pretty retro stuff actually. But it's baggage and it weighs me down. I have stuff that just sits around collecting dust, and it could be given to people who would appreciate it and use it. Some of it has sentimental value, or I know I would find a purpose for it as soon as i threw it away, and I would keep it for that reason, but most of it is just... there. So I keep a box by my door of things i want to get rid of, and it is near both the garbage and the door, so I have a choice to toss it or gift it or donate it.
* Have you ever felt like your stuff was weighing you down? How else have you experienced attachments to material possessions?
If you feel like you have unhelpful attachments to these or other aspects of your life, let's chat about it, I'm here to help you move through it and become your best self.
♥ Jacki